"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

A quick post from the humorous side from on top of my world.

He is the king of one liners, a subtle dry monotonous voice for an hour or so just the person and a microphone and sentences no longer than twenty words and this is the act.

Nothing like a good standup comedy show, just one person and a microphone - simple.

It has been a while since I discovered him but I always find myself quoting one of the classics.

So here are a few of my favourites:

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• I can levitate birds but nobody cares.
  
• When I die I am going to leave my body for science - fiction.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
• Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
• I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
• I invented the cordless extension cord.
• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
• I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
• I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
• I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
• Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.
• Is "tired old cliche" one?
• Was it somebody's cruel idea to put an "S" in the word "LISP" ?
• My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.

This is my dedication to Steven Wright - The king of one liners.

Let me know what you think.

5767...

It's Jewish new year time, yes the 5767th one and Shana Tova to everybody.

Was it a good year, meaningful, challenging, interesting?

Its a time for reflections, introspections, new years resolutions, looking back and planning ahead. But does that really happen, who actually set their new goals aims and plans for the year, everyone tries but does not really do it. Well thats how I feel about it at the moment. I tried a little bit but never quiet finished off the list.

It is still strange and taking a bit of adapting to the festivals while being in Israel, you defintely see and feel it but it is far from the traditional routinely upbringing I have had my whole life in a diaspora Jewish community and being with my family.

I went to a couple of friends (SA, US friends) we did the full blessings and even organised the chopped liver, gefilte fish (packaged) and made the briscuit and tzimis ourselves (like good ashkanezi Jewish boys). So the effort was there the good food (the most important part of any Jewish celebration) was present. It was delicious meal and the theme of the evening pulled back to the past of what traditions we and our family did on the festivals. That's one of the main things for the chagim (Jewish festivals): Family. Everyone seems to fly home if they can for the chaggim, make some sort of effort to connect or be with family and in most Tel Avivian cases either drive north out of the city to their families in the suburbs. It is amazing how empty the city gets, its beautiful, quiet and lots of parking.

The rest of the weekend was just spent lying around, reading the papers Rosh Hashana editions and eating lots and hanging out with friends, (and also getting hooked on the 24 mini-series). Nothing much more than that. Back to work tomorrow, (we got today-Sunday- off which is usually a work day) and the start of a whoel new fresh Jewish year in another 33 years time for the big 5800 are people going to be celebrating the rounded figure like the millenium parties?

POP QUIZ:

What was the big Israeli story of the year: http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/pages/SurveyHaaretzEn.jhtml

My vote went towards Sharon's stroke - definitely in my opinion a historical event (although every event could be argued to be a histroical one) it changed the playing fields and created the what if questions we asking now when looking back on what has happened the past year in which the new leadership handled the Israeli politics and conflicts.

Thats my festive view of the festivals from on top of the world.

Understanding the Psyche of this interesting place

The Middle Eastern region is by far different to the mannerisms and behaviour to the rest of the world which I and most of my blog readers are used to. The punctuality and etiquette of Europe and the political correctness and fake friendliness of the US cannot compare to the impatient, stress, cheek and behaviour of those in the region in which I live. Let me narrow it down to more of Israel than the region, although there are similar characteristics throughout the region, although I am more familiar with the ones just here.

The question is why are people acting like this? what does it come down to? what are the factors that make people behave like this? Is it rude in our eyes or just honest and confrontational? Are people here just telling it how it is being frank and upfront?

There is a definite attitude here of living life, to the fullest, as if it is your last. Coffee shops are always packed late at night, bars are full (I am always wondering when I am in a full bar at 2 in the morning what these people do the next day, do they just get up and go to work, work later hours? how do they function like this?), the smoking culture is plentiful, being in debt is the right way to financially plan and holidays are plentiful with lots of overseas travel.

Two things I guess first come to mind when looking at this behaviour on a simple level:

The situation of Israel, the stresses under security threat, terror, wars, cold relations with its neighbours.Surely a more founded education or focus on certain things could improve the situation. Smoking education around the world and restriction have made an impact. The school of thought is place a law and Israelis will still do what they want, eg smoking in malls etc...
Now the example which inspired this piece, came the other day I was driving (yes I bought a car, special blog post on this to follow shortly) back to my apartment and needed to look for a parking space. Now, anyone who has been to Tel Aviv knows that a parking space marked by blue and white paint on the sidewalk is a goldmine in this over-car populated city, so luck had it I saw something five minutes into looking for a parking, I drove a bit too far and then reversed to make a right turn to get into the side street, I made the right turn with car behind me but I came up a bit short and needed to reverse to complete the turn into the road with the parking, as I did this the car behind me took the inside gap and got in front of me and proceeded to take the parking. I hooted stopped him from getting in, and did the window pulldown to shout a few words at each other. He seemed pretty angry and my shouting, swearing and pressurised Hebrew could not match his, at the end his car was half in the pakring and what was I going to do to get his car out. Answer: nothing. so what are the rule? I saw this parking first, I was trying to turn, he got in before me, he was more agressive and fuming than me while I thought I was in the right, and hence I left it and it took me anouther 45 minutes to find a spot. Moral of a story: Make sure of your turns and dont fall short otherwise someone will slip in front of you and take the opportunity. A good typical story to sum up attitudes over here.

But hey whats wrong with a live life to the fullest attitude, it has its advantages, you appreciate things, enjoy your time and surroundings, make sure you only go to the best places, eat the best humus, take the best holidays and always screw somebody over to benefit yourself!

This post must arise some thoughts and opinions I would like to hear your analysis in the comment section.

שחמט shehmat - or Chess in English

People love coincidences, so here is one that just crossed my path.

Just when I restarted playing chess with some friends including online chess with Jake (who lives 10 minutes from my place), there just happens to be the world Blitz chess tournament taking place in Rishon Letzion (Israeli city jsut outside Tel Aviv). What a coincidence.


See the Haaretz article below about it:

The most interesting fact to note and its a great general knowledge question and fact to impress your friends: "The city with the largest number of grandmasters is not Moscow, St. Petersburg or New York, but the southern Israeli desert town of Be'er Sheva (not in relative but absolute terms) Facinating stuff!

Chess masters set to compete in world blitz championship

_{By Eitan Bekerman, Haaretz Correspondent}

Five hundred high-powered minds will convene this evening at Heichal Hatarbut in Rishon Letzion for the opening of the World Blitz Championship, a chess tournament with a purse totaling $100,000.

Participants will include the Indian grandmaster Viswanathan Anand, ranked number two in the world; the world's best woman player, Hungarian grandmaster Judit Polgar, who competes in men's competitions; the child prodigy of world chess, 14-year-old Norwegian grandmaster Magnus Carlsen; and several other giants of the game, such as grandmasters Peter Svidler of Russia, Boris Gelfand of Israel and Teimour Radjabov of Azerbaijan.

Blitz chess is played by the usual chess rules, but instead of taking hours, each contestant is allotted just five minutes total for all of his moves. More than half of all games are decided because a player's time is up, not because of any move on the board (however, in most cases the player who stalled is also the one whose pieces were in an inferior position). Each player has a stop watch, which he hits immediately after moving one of his pieces. Because the competition takes place at an especially fast pace, it seems to the spectator that he is watching a sped up tape of a regular chess game.

Some term blitz chess championships "marathon runners competing in a hundred-meter dash," but while athletic competitions require completely different physical capabilities from short- and long-distance runners, in chess competitions, brain muscles display great flexibility. There is therefore considerable overlap between the list of great chess players and the list of great blitz players, many of whom will be competing this week.

The world championship in Rishon Letzion, under the auspices of the world chess federation (FIDE), is the main event of a larger "chess festival" that includes the Israeli blitz chess open championship, the Israel Defense Forces' championship, a mass simultaneous game, a world children's championship and a particularly exciting duel between man and machine: Israel's national chess team in a series of games against the legendary Junior, the top-flight Israeli computer program that previously won the Computer Chess World Championship.

Israel's human team also has reason to be proud. Israel is considered a chess superpower, largely thanks to the massive immigration from eastern Europe, which brought some of the best players and coaches in the world. And the vast chess knowledge now in Israel makes it possible to nurture new generations of excellent players. Just a couple of months ago, the Israeli team shared third/fourth place with another team in the Chess Olympiad - an achievement of which most Israeli sports teams can only dream.

The highest rank in chess play is grandmaster. The city with the largest number of grandmasters is not Moscow, St. Petersburg or New York, but Be'er Sheva. And not relatively speaking; in absolute terms. Yet despite being one of the chess capitals of the world, Israel's chess life is conducted in an almost underground fashion.

Normal day at work followed by country's plea for release of captured soldiers

Yesterday (Thursday) all started like normal, rise and shine at about 8:30am get dressed, freshen up have a bite to eat and catch the five minute bus to work. Thursdays are always exciting cause its the last day of the week here, (get Friday and Saturday off) so its that end of week feeling looking forward to the weekend. Work is fine, fixing a few systems, updating a couple of websites and doing a few technical things. Last few hours of the day at work before the weekend starts are always difficult. Finally, I finish up work and take a minibus taxi to the gym (10 minutes away), do a bit of excercise, renew my gym contract and then around 7:30pm head down to the Kikar Rabin, main square outside the city hall in Tel Aviv.

Todays rally at the Kikar is one of solidarity and support for the three kidnapped IDF soldiers. Gilad Shalit (captured and taken into Gaza), Udi Goldwasser and Eldad Regev (captured and taken into Lebanon).

Under the banner of the Jeremiah biblical text: "thy children shall come again to their own border" (see picture of the banner above), Israeli musicians poured out their emotional songs related to the army, country and unity. From hearing Udi's wife who have been married for a year, read out a personal letter to 60,000 in attendance she wrote for her husband the night before, from hearing Eldad's brother talk about his passion for everything, music, politics, culture his love of sport and soccer. From Gilads, group of girlfriends aged between 18 - 20 yrs old standing on stage and reading a message of support and hope.The same emotional, logical questions get thrown out and go through everyones mind.

Where are these 3 men now, what are they doing, what are they thinking, how are they being looked after, what do they think of Israel and what it is doing to get them back. My fustration stems from the fact of these people deserve a normal life, Shalit just turned 20 why should a 20 year old be carrying a gun wearing the green uniform and standing at border posts, Ehud just got married, pictures of his travels abroad were displayed and his wife met with Kofi Annan this week, why should a person in the peak of his live who has found his love and starting his family and future, be summoned to go fight in a war. It is a terrible age, Gilad to me is too young to experience these things, Ehud too me is too much in the peak of his lfe to have to go through this. I guess no age is a good age for this.

So from the ordinary day at the office, the week ends with the realisation of the non-normality of the country the issues it faces and a sense of togetherness and support the country showed last night as they rallied together apolitically, religious, secular, east and west together to support the families and push the government to come up with the solution. Its not normal but its the reality this place faces.

Lets hope a solution is found soon.

Thats my view from on top of this world and Kikar Rabin yesterday.

Addition: I attended the rally with a friend Amir who reported for the Jerusalem Post on the event. See his article here.